One day in December 2006, I awoke with physical pain from pool exercises and too much lifting and bending. Later that evening I watched the end of a movie about a loving family’s experiences. This combination apparently triggered something in me, and the words that follow are those that I wrote in my journal the next morning.
I am so stiff and so out of sorts this morning. I’m filled with a deep sadness. As I sit quietly, tears come through the pain, not only physical but emotional as well. I feel lost and alone…disconnected from a sense of family. There’s no one left that I am close to. I have scattered cousins, some of whom I haven’t connected with in years. We moved to Florida when I was eight and my intimate connection with my extended family was severed, except for the occasional summer vacation.
I’m grieving. I miss my family. It’s like a part of me was slowly ripped away over the years, and now I am left to go it alone. It’s lonely sometimes, very lonely. Nearly everyone I know has a family somewhere…people who are what we call “blood relations.” Although I have two cousins more than a thousand miles away that I occasionally talk with on the phone, I haven’t seen them in more than twenty-five years. I have never felt that I needed to see them, but the longing for something this moment is real and is permeating my being. It’s an emptiness that I can’t shake. It takes my breath away. Why, I ask, do I feel this intense yearning for the home that no longer exists?
Suddenly, I realize that I am home. The emptiness and the longing are only reminders that I forgot. In my grief, I am embraced by the energy of a deep and abiding Love. I know that I never really lose my connection to the One Loving Presence. I just forget sometimes, and in that forgetfulness I suffer. I weep for It. I yearn for It. In this remembrance, the Divine Energy of Love and Compassion fills me...and I can breathe again.
It’s so simple. I just drifted into an old story. Yes, my family members were wonderful, and so are the memories. But that is the past. They say that we can’t choose our family, but we can choose our friends. I realize that I’ve made some great choices. I am so blessed by the wonderful friends who have become my family. I take another deep breath as I embrace this exquisite moment of Grace. Now I just sit quietly with wet cheeks and a smile.
Barbara Rasp
Choose to live your life through the melodies of the Spirit, the harmony of the Angels and the love of the One. Live your life in only Love, for that is what you are. I am your strength and I am your Wisdom. Believe in me and we shall live in harmony and in completion of a journey well done. I am your spirit, your mother and father, your son and daughter, your master and teacher, your joy and peace.
I am so stiff and so out of sorts this morning. I’m filled with a deep sadness. As I sit quietly, tears come through the pain, not only physical but emotional as well. I feel lost and alone…disconnected from a sense of family. There’s no one left that I am close to. I have scattered cousins, some of whom I haven’t connected with in years. We moved to Florida when I was eight and my intimate connection with my extended family was severed, except for the occasional summer vacation.
I’m grieving. I miss my family. It’s like a part of me was slowly ripped away over the years, and now I am left to go it alone. It’s lonely sometimes, very lonely. Nearly everyone I know has a family somewhere…people who are what we call “blood relations.” Although I have two cousins more than a thousand miles away that I occasionally talk with on the phone, I haven’t seen them in more than twenty-five years. I have never felt that I needed to see them, but the longing for something this moment is real and is permeating my being. It’s an emptiness that I can’t shake. It takes my breath away. Why, I ask, do I feel this intense yearning for the home that no longer exists?
Suddenly, I realize that I am home. The emptiness and the longing are only reminders that I forgot. In my grief, I am embraced by the energy of a deep and abiding Love. I know that I never really lose my connection to the One Loving Presence. I just forget sometimes, and in that forgetfulness I suffer. I weep for It. I yearn for It. In this remembrance, the Divine Energy of Love and Compassion fills me...and I can breathe again.
It’s so simple. I just drifted into an old story. Yes, my family members were wonderful, and so are the memories. But that is the past. They say that we can’t choose our family, but we can choose our friends. I realize that I’ve made some great choices. I am so blessed by the wonderful friends who have become my family. I take another deep breath as I embrace this exquisite moment of Grace. Now I just sit quietly with wet cheeks and a smile.
Barbara Rasp
Choose to live your life through the melodies of the Spirit, the harmony of the Angels and the love of the One. Live your life in only Love, for that is what you are. I am your strength and I am your Wisdom. Believe in me and we shall live in harmony and in completion of a journey well done. I am your spirit, your mother and father, your son and daughter, your master and teacher, your joy and peace.
Wisdom’s Voice
FYI: The photo above was taken in 1913. The young boy was my father surrounded by his older brother and four sisters.
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